From choir to caregiving
- Tags: accountability, active witness, LGBTIQ+, peer pressure, restorative justice
Setting
It was class change in the high school hallway. There was nervous laughter and lockers banging. A folder with a rainbow sticker was half torn off, and two benches by the door always became the place where some would throw taunts.
Situation
For fear of being shunned by others, I ended up joining in the insults and jokes towards some LGBTIQ+ classmates. We said it was just “humor,” but in truth they were direct attacks on who they were, their bodies and their identity, and I saw how they kept quiet and protected themselves, feeling alone and hurt. Now I realize the damage: our laughter covered their fear. I don’t want to justify myself or seek forgiveness for me alone, I really want to make amends and make them safer.
Key dialogue
– “It was just a joke…”
– “It was a nightmare for me.”
– “I don’t want to justify myself, I want to make amends, what can I do?”
Rewrite the story
What would you do as a participant if you are in the group?
Possible performance:
Now (≤72 h):
– I acknowledge the harm in mentoring (no names or details to expose) and offer to apologize privately if the person wishes.
– Written ally commitment: respect chosen pronouns and names, no identity jokes, intervene if I see harassment, and accompany as a “support partner” when needed.
– I ask for no-contact if any person requests it and remember the chat rules (no offensive memes, no doxxing).
Next 2-4 weeks:
– I co-propose with the tutor a visible anti-hate protocol in the classroom/hallways (what to do, who to go to).
– I push for an LGBTIQ+ safe group with adult referrer and an active witness workshop for the class.
– We agreed on inclusive language in papers and presentations (optional pronouns, respect for names) and clear consequences for recidivism.
Follow-up (1-3 months):
– Monthly climate review (brief, anonymous check-in).
– If there was a restorative meeting, verify agreements with the affected person; if something goes wrong, adjust with mediation.
– Record improvements and lessons learned for the following year.
Roles at the table: ex-offender in exchange, LGBTIQ+ affected student, silent witness, ally, tutor, counselor.